It’s almost the winter solstice here – dim days and long dark nights. The sun is far away. And today was gorgeous and snowy – the very heart of city winter. Snow falling soft and gray outside the Bolshoi Theater and Tsum’s bright candy-colored Christmas window displays on the way to work; blotting out the city view from a press conference on a 48th floor Moscow office; melting into mucky black sludge piles in the bus circle on my way home.
My life is full of pictures.
Quiet now on my couch I’m not sure where to start. Bible open, pen in hand – what am I doing? I think of laundry waiting in the corner, floors to wash, books to read, emails to write.
God, it seems impossible to be a Christian; to follow Jesus. It seems like too much boring work to be always seeking, always praying, always reading the Bible. All this stuff calling for my attention. Why should I pray? Why should I read? Why should I study?
It’s honest – this is the way I feel right now.
Floundering like this doesn’t get me anywhere. I focus on the TRUTH:
- The only real life I have is in Christ. Anything else – anything without Him is a waste of time. Spending time with Him – praying and reading the Bible is the only real life I have.
- I don’t have to worry or think about the months ahead, or the big task of “following Jesus”. All I have is right now. All I have is tonight, and the small task in front of me.
- Actually, it DOES take discipline to spend time with God. I do have to say no to some things. (but it’s worth it)
- Mine is a very common, very sinful human reaction to think that this is boring and not important. It’s got to be one of the oldest tricks in the book. The truth, though, is that thinking like that is a big, destructive lie.
- God has grace, forgiveness and help that is MORE than enough for me in this. He will help me.
- Also, I should remember that it’s OK to ask Him for what I need. It’s OK to ask for Jesus to come: to ask Him to pour out His Spirit on me and to ask for Him to bless me with all that He’s got.
So I ask:
“Give me a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of You, having the eyes of my heart enlightened, that I may know what is the hope to which You have called me, what are the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of Your power toward us who believe…” (from Ephesians 1:17-19)
The sun is far away and I’m taking lots of vitamins. The vitamin D bottle sits on the window sill next to our tea kettle – reminding us to swallow one with our breakfast. Seeking God is like that, I guess – a discipline that surges life, energy, joy into my soul; building me up and making me stronger. Like rays of light in the dark.