It feels a bit like you might feel if you haven’t showered for weeks and have been living outside in the cold, maybe at a bus stop, in the winter. Then you come into a warm, clean room – out of the dark cold- and take off all your smelly clothes and get into a bubble bath, just letting the grime and dirt slid off of you as the warm water soaks into your skin, turning your fingers, and toes raisin-y, and reaching deep inside of you until even your very hard little heart is rosy and clean again.
Minnesota has been great. I’ve forgotten how nice it is to be surrounded by family and friends, and pleasant store clerks. Almost two months of soaking it all in – I didn’t even realize how stiff I’d become without them.
I miss this – being close to family and friends – surrounded by their love and support. I miss the weddings and baby showers, coffee dates, and big church potlucks. I miss the long talks, and smiling interactions – the buzz you get from being with the person with whom you used to stay up late at night playing scrabble and eating yogurt in college. I miss being a part of their lives.
So I’m thankful to be here for now. I’m thankful to reconnect with them. Thankful to be reminded of the person I used to be. And I’m thankful for the gentle kindness that melts away my frozen little heart-shell.
Moscow’s rudeness, and ever-disappearing friends scare me. I think that closing myself off to new people, new interactions will help protect me. I’ve thought I’d save myself by being reserved and aloof. Turns out the selfishness only makes you mean.
I’m thankful for the wake up call.